Sunday, August 31, 2014

Actors Vs. Children

I've worked in theater a very long time;  much longer than I've been a mom.

Behind the scenes, I've worn a variety of hats including those of a stage manager, a director, a set designer and scenic artist.  As a mom, I suppose the same can be said of the kinds of pants I've worn - though, slightly different.  Indulge me the dinner at home pants, the bath-time pants, the changing the diaper pants, the projectile vomit pants, the arts and crafts pants, and perhaps the play on the floor/dirt pants.

The above wardrobe has most certainly qualified me to say, with some exceptions of course, that talking to children is exactly like talking to actors.

Below are a list of 10 statements.  Read each as though you were talking to a child, then read again as though you were talking to an actor. Specific references to children are without parenthesis, substitute reference for an actor within the parenthesis. 

1.  Please, put that down! It is not a toy, it is a decoration (prop.) Stop touching everything you see!

2. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, you don't need to put so much marker (make-up) on your face.

4. (Answering a bellowing cry) You need another roll of toilet paper in your bathroom? Of course I'll get that right away. The soft one? Of course, I only want what's best for your butt.

5.  You work so hard, and are incredibly dedicated, don't listen to what other friends (reviewers) say, they don't know you the way I do. 

6.  Yes, of course, the green M&Ms taste the best, I'll make sure you only get the yummy ones.

7. I am so sorry, I thought your cup was the pink sparkly (thrown pottery) cup, let me go wash (run out to three stores) and get the one you want.

8. Circle time (Notes)!  Everybody gather up, let's talk about what went well today and what we can do better tomorrow.

9.  STOP! (HOLD!) Really, please, stop what you are doing.  STOP (HOLD) Don't. Please. Leave that alone. Go back. Just...stop moving. No, where you were, not there, go back to your mat/bed (spike mark).  PLEASE STOP MOVING!!!!!

10.  Did you wash your hands? Please make sure you shower/bathe (use deodorant) everyday.


Please don't be offended.
I love what I do.

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